city of hollow angels

"It's redundant to die in Los Angeles."
— Truman Capote

Oh Truman, how I concur. There's a lot of walking dead in the town that tinsels; souls that have been sold - or would like to be.

Goodbye LA... I presume that, once again, it will be a while.

writing the script as i live along

"Leave it to me: I'm always top banana in the shock department."
- Holly Golightly from Truman Capote's Breakfast at Tiffany's

I'm clearly the sort of person who can't just imagine what it must feel like to be dazed by an electric fence, nor do I buy into the conventional wisdom that messing with high voltage is a potentially bad idea... oh no, when I get it into my head that I want to tamper with sparking matter, I waltz past all the 'achtung' signs, and despite knowing what's possibly in store, grab the wires with both hands, just so I can feel the charge convulse through my system before, sufficiently stupefied and singed, I can finally let go and say, "ahhhh... so *that's* what it feels like. Well, now I know and can describe it with acccuracy."

Don't worry, someday it will all go into the novel, which will aptly be titled, The Seagull, I think... or some variation thereof...

Fabulous illustration is by Nicoletta Ceccoli.

ready or not

"what woman having ten silver coins,
if she loses one of them,
does not light a lamp, sweep the house,
and search carefully until she finds it?
When she has found it, she call together
her friends and neighbours, saying,
'Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin
that I had lost.'"
-Luke 15:8-9

and uh, wish me luck...

Image is one of Rob Ryan's delightful silhouette creations.

try me: girl with a warning label

am safe in LA (hurray!) where, last night, my friend anthony and i were discussing my enchantress-like tendencies. i have this pattern where men become enamored with me rather quickly; they come sprinting out onto the tightrope of my life, marvel at the view, the thrill, their eyes are widened, their souls are opened, but it's as if they panic the minute they look down and quickly run right back to wherever they came from; whomever they started as.

anthony suggested that to thwart this problem, i have two options -

1) i can act like a different person for a while, gradually letting my real-self emerge... so being in my presence is a little more like boiling a lobster rather than just throwing someone into the deep-end that is me.


2) i should warn them. "tell men: you're going to feel very comfortable with me very quickly, and you're going to have experiences with me that will blow your mind, but very soon you're going to get scared and run away." he says, "at least then you cautioned them about who you are, and they may fight hard just to try and prove you wrong."

#1 seems an impossible and likely fruitless waste of energy and #2 seems a little haughty and odd and presumptuous - like, "i know you just met me, but trust me, you're going to fall hard and fast, and you're going to feel transformed, but this won't be sustainable, so you'll duck out at the first exit, yet remain infatuated with me until your dying day."

then again, it may quickly root out the ones with a real stomach for the risk.


what do you think?

Photo is from the infamous Annie Leibovitz "Alice in Wonderland" Vogue shoot.

before lift off

these past weeks have read like some kind of pop fiction novel. paranormal appliance malfunctions, sickness, backstabbing, sociopaths, burgeoning doomed romance, legal intrigue, and classic comic relief. think 'hamlet' meets 'sex and the city' meets a wannabe john grisham novel... i mean, *nuts*

i leave for LA in, well, mere hours... and the journey to get to this moment has felt a little like i was running toward the boarding gate while life threw everything it could *think of* at me. crazed 4am phone calls from strangers? check. twice-flooded flat? check. betrayal? check. meeting a reincarnation of my ex? check.

as all this was going on i was reading 'one day' by david nicholls. relatively brilliant compared to most contemporary fiction, yet nonetheless an entertaining and swift read. i'm actually trying to decide where i will weigh in on it in the end - whether i *really* liked it or not. but i came across the below quote in the midst of - well, what turned out to be *not everything* - but in the midst of enough, and thought, for as many times as i feel that i've comforted myself with the notion that "when i look back on all of this i will laugh..." i couldn't agree more with this particular character:

"an amusing story? she didn't want an amusing story, she wants change, a break, not anecdotes. her life has been stuffed with anecdotes, an endless string of the bastards, now she wants something to go right for once. she wants success, or at least the hope of it." - emma (from david nicholl's 'one day')

so here's to me making my flight to LA, antibiotics in-hand, and to it hopefully ushering in a turning of tides.

photograph is my own... a ferris wheel charm my sister gave me for my birthday... may it provide both inspiration and luck!

the return

well, that was a rather unfruitful experiment over there at wordpress. don't know why, i know wordpress looks more polished, more professional, it's hipper... it's what the cool people do. but writing there, i felt shackled, handcuffed. maybe it was something about the polished template? i didn't want to mess it up? i'm not sure.

but i'm back - this writing space feels like home.

thanks for following me after such a fallow period.

let the posts begin! (resume!) x

Picture is my own... of a Martin Creed installation at the Tate Britain in January 2010.